CHARLOTTE, NC— Colin Kaepernick has returned to the National Football League as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers. He will be the first African American Transgender Poly-Bi cheerleader for the squad and will travel with the team to away games.
Kaepernick, debilitated by a series of operations and hormone injections, exclaimed, “I’m excited to be on the team!” “After I insulted the organization and called all the fans racist, I wasn’t sure I’d be welcomed back, but I was finally able to contort my body into such a victimized form that they had no choice but to hire me.”
“It’s a dream come true!”
More on this story via Babylon Bee
“I think he’ll be a great distraction when we lose games,” he said, sighing wistfully. “And believe me, we’re going to lose some games.”
ESPN commentator Jaina Winterwoman asked Kaepernick about the audition process. The interview, which will appear on a future episode of NFL Primetime, revealed that Kaepernick doesn’t know how to dance.
“Girl, with an identity like this you don’t have to do a thing,” Kaepernick told the sports journalist. “I don’t think anyone’s going to be watching me for my dance moves.” Read more here…